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So this is how I spent most of my day yesterday.
Trying to untangle this yarn. |
So yesterday was probably one of the most frustrating days I have had in a long time. I woke up with less sleep than I wanted. I woke up to a mess in the kitchen and a sink full of dirty dishes, but luckily a dishwasher full of clean dishes. However, I didn't see that as a blessing but another log on the fire that I was planning on roasting my husband over later. So let me mention that I am 7 months pregnant with my second child, so hormones may have had something to do with the angry eyes being out of the bag first thing in the morning. My 2 year old was very vocal about wanting to eat as soon as possible....and the only thing that I could make without cleaning the kitchen was oatmeal. I have this thing, probably from working in food service for so long....that the kitchen needs to be clean before I can cook in it. Since I was angry and already spitting fire that morning....I decided that I would medicate with carbs....what better than oatmeal loaded with sugar for me, and syrup for the boy. And we would leave the mess for Daddy to clean up when he got up. This was probably one of my first mistakes....not only did the sugar not make me feel any better...but giving the boy 2 tablespoons worth of syrup in his oatmeal was just asking for trouble. So for the entire morning, I had a little boy with no volume control bouncing off the walls. Dora began to grade on my nerves, but if I turned it off then I had a screaming crying, fit throwing little man. Not to mention that we are currently potty training (the endurance test for anyone's patience!). Have I painted the picture for you to fully understand the frustration, anger, and chaos that was running rampant in my house yesterday?
So what do I do to relieve some stress? Well, I have been teaching myself to crochet. To some degree of success. So this is what I turn to after, my trusted sugar fix failed me. I was quite happy with my progress on the next blanket I am making for the boy, until I compared it to the one I just finished for the girl. It was off....by quite a bit. It took me a while to figure out what I did wrong. I thought I had the same number in the chain to begin with, used the same hook, same stitch, etc. But I had miss counted. Thus leaving me with a 6 inch less width than the first blanket. So I had to take it all out. UGH! Not what I wanted to do! And as I did this, I managed to get the yarn terribly knotted up in 3 different spots. That's it....I couldn't take it anymore. I sent my husband to the store to find CHOCOLATE! Some to eat immediately, and some to eat in melted form in the middle of freshly baked cookies! So this was delicious, but.....the melted chocolate did not melt the anger ball still aflame in my chest.
I had been working on my yarn all afternoon, and my grace for the boy had worn out. Spanking more than necessary, snapping at him, using a harsh tone of voice, and punishing him for things that are simply part of being a little boy. Not only that, but I had not set him up for a successful day pumping him full of sugar. My anger quickly turned to self loathing. What do you do when the person you need to get away from the most is yourself? Finally after trying everything in the natural to fix my mood. Rid myself of the anger, frustration, and overall bad disposition.....I did what I should have done all along. I turned off the TV, turned on the worship music, and got out the Bible and prayed.
And this is what God revealed to me: Living a life of Faith is like a ball of knotted yarn. You know it's all connected, you know it should be a smooth connection from one end to the other. You should be able to pull on it, and have it give you more to create with. But sometimes, your life gets all tangled up, knotted and you pull and pull on it...and it doesn't give. My first initial response to things like this happening is get out the scissors! Cut myself off from everyone, disconnect from God, and try to figure it out on my own. I reason with myself, if I can only get free from the things that I am tied too, I can fix this mess that I am in. If I can see the beginning and the end, I can untie this knot. Right? Isolation is rarely the key to anything..when most people found themselves in the wilderness or dessert it was out of rebellion. So here's what I found:
Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
Romans 5: 3.
I don't know about you....but this verse doesn't really make me feel all warm and fuzzy. This is one of those verses where I am like....UGH! Okay fine. But rarely do I find the joy and rejoice in suffering that I am going through. So what do I do? I keep looking for scripture that I like more. LOL! I feel this scripture often however, the pressure, the affliction of too many things in my life tangled around each other, making it hard for me to breathe, for me to know that I am still connected to the Source, and without that connection, I can not continue on to create anything in my life. So I keep searching the scriptures...because I know that all of the answers I need are within it's pages. I come across this:
In order that you may not grow disinterested and become [spiritual] sluggards, but imitators, behaving as do those who through faith (by their leaning of the entire personality on God in Christ in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness) and by practice of patient endurance and waiting are [now] inheriting the promises. Hebrews 6: 12
So when my angry eyes are out, and I am lashing about like a mad woman....I am keenly aware of how unChrist like I am. This verse helps to remind me that days like yesterday are like a chisel in God's hand carving me into His image. The likeness is already in the rock....it just need to be chiseled away to reveal to others what the artist already sees within the stone. Every heart issue, every hard place that we find ourselves through....every victory we win with Jesus, and make it through with prayer, crying and help we uncover more of what God sees in us. We all have an option...to be satisfied with the things that don't really work anyway, to numb our pain....to take a drink, roast our husband over an open fire of our frustration, or take the chisel out of the hand of God and try to create our own image. But it will never reveal the Glory that God created us to reveal.
For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised. Hebrews 10: 36
It will take a lot I am coming to realize, for God's work to be done in my life. He is after all the Greatest Artist! Just like the canvas, all we have to do is be there, to endure the work of the Master. It may hurt at times when things are getting chipped off, sanded down, and reworked....but being able to endure the handiwork of God will ALWAYS result in Glory revealed.
Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us.
Hebrews 12: 1
There are also times in your life where it becomes necessary to ask for help from others, and to cut your ties with some people. As with my yarn, which had become so entangled, and there was no place where I could make any progress....I got so frustrated that I gave it over to my husband to work on. Sometimes, we just need a fresh perspective to see the way out of the mess we find ourselves in. New strategies, past experiences and knowledge of what has worked before, etc. This is why we need the body of Christ. To move forward with Christ in faith....to get encouragement and help. And sometimes, through their advise and knowledge and confirmations of God, you have to do the difficult thing of severing the ties. Cutting your losses.....sometimes we get so obsessed with trying to untangle our messes, or helping someone else untangle their mess.....that we forget that our lives are creative thing...to reveal God's glory.....and we can get so bogged down that we stop creating. Sometimes, its better to cut the string, give the mess over to God, and reconnect to the source, and not try to figure out the mess. It's a sin to sit and try to try to figure out all you mess sometimes, when it prevents you from you overall purpose of being a support that reveals the handiwork of God.
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